pull the trigger

couldn't sleep yesterday..and internet was down as well..probably a good thing because I probably would have posted something really lame and emo. but something is bothering me and I can't really figure it out. so it bothers me even more! until I figure out wth it is I'll be a bit distant....

got a letter from party poker today, haha...is this the sign I've been looking for? or is it because I started the client for the first time in  ~6 months..? ;) damned if I do, damned if I don't..right? I guess you could say I'm in between jobs right now..haha. maybe it's as simple as that. this (poker crap) is what's bothering me? is it?

well..tbh I'm a little afraid of playing..I ran increeeedibly bad at 888..it was insane. I know it was bad luck (graphs/stats don't lie ...) but still. afraid I'll do it again. and again....I guess it's possible. I lost 15 flips in a row and that doesn't happen every day ...courage. mehasit!  just need to find it again.